So I’m sitting at my desk, and I hear the guy in the cube to the left of me click on his speaker phone and start dialing. A couple of  beep bop boops later, the phone call connects and begins to ring… Little did I know this was going to lead to the discovery of a new kind of dumbass.

Dear Dumbass,

When you are calling into a conference call from an outside line because you are not in the building, please don’t be doing other stuff in the background. If you are, please mute your phone. I don’t need to hear you singing along to 1980s pop music, telling your dog to sit, or talking to other people in the room with you. If we are discussing how well our company is doing and steps for the future, we don’t need to know that your dog just peed on the kitchen floor, that you spilled coffee on your desk, or whatever other dumbass thing you are doing on your end of the conference call.

If you are going to do these things, there’s something called the Mute button. Not only will this keep us from being annoyed by whatever bullshit you’re up to instead of being at work, but it will probably keep your superiors from knowing that you’re not actually home with your sick child, at a doctor’s appointment, getting your car worked on, or whatever other lies you told when you said you needed to work from home. Now, put the phone on mute and go play some more video games… or take a nap. Just don’t let me hear you snore, dumbass!

Thank You

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