You know what’s great about office meetings that take place during lunch? Most of the time, the people planning them realize that they’re inconveniencing everyone, and the meetings end up catered. It doesn’t need to be a giant spread. Some sandwiches and sodas or any kind of free office food will do just fine as long as there’s enough for everyone. You know what’s not cool though? That guy behind me in the food line. I don’t remember him being on my team… Wait he’s not supposed to be in this meeting! Does he even work here??

You know what I don’t want to bring home from the office? No, I don’t mind bringing a little work with me to finish up at home. As a diligent and dedicated worker bee, I know that the job sometimes calls for that kind of thing. What I don’t want to bring home from work is pestilence and disease. So why the hell do dumbasses bring it to the office with them? That’s right friends, I’m here to tell you about the sick dumbass.

Lately, there’s been a lot of construction going on a The Smartguy’s office. By lately, I mean about the last year or so. While there have been some loud days, most of the time the construction workers do their best to keep the noise down. They understand that they have a job to do, but so do the people in the cubicles all over the building they’re working on. But not today’s dumbass!

Call me weird, but I am not a fan of public bathrooms when it comes to number two. I’ll go number one all day, and where ever it is socially acceptable to do so (social acceptability is not a deal breaker in the right situation), but the same does not apply to number two. I once described it in college as my policy to never drop bombs over foreign soil. If I can avoid having a seat in the bathroom at work, I damn well do it. The whole thing (including seeing others who might use the same stall) makes me a little uncomfortable.

So I’m sitting at my desk, and I hear the guy in the cube to the left of me click on his speaker phone and start dialing. A couple of  beep bop boops later, the phone call connects and begins to ring… Little did I know this was going to lead to the discovery of a new kind of dumbass.